Wednesday, November 5, 2008

the pit

i wish i could write that i magically had a change of heart and everything is wonderful.

it isn't.

it's frustrating and exhausting and depressing...dreading getting up in the morning. having a hard day at school. feeling no more joy in the profession that used to bring light into my eyes. it saddens me that i'm going through this in my first year. feeling burned out. useless. incapable.

everyone tells me i'm too hard on myself. i need to relax. i need to have fun with the kids and enjoy what i'm doing.

i believe them..i need to do this. because at the rate i'm going, the fear i hold each day is going to turn me into a passion-less, life-less being. and no one wants that teaching their kids.

it's just the getting up and go part that i'm struggling with. some days i'm OK...but to be honest, many days i don't know how i get out of bed.

i need your prayers. i'm in a dark pit right now. fortunately i know God is with me. He's holding me. He's crying with me.

i just need to hold on. i need to fight.

i love teaching. i love kids. and that has to get me through this.

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